Root to my illness aka Viral Infection

Since April this year (2010), I had been falling sick numerous time, and never felt any better.

I thought of maybe I have some serious organ damage issue, like the liver or pancreas which had been getting too much toxication and it is showing signs of deterioration.

So, the last time (around 2 months ago), I went for a blood test, and surprisingly everything is in good condition. Well, think of it, I have strict diets, maintain my exercise and also drink loads of fluids. What had went wrong.

3 days ago, I was having this viral infection again, which I hated, caused, from the outside, I might just look like an ordinary person, but inside me, is suffering high fever, pain, muscle ache, headache, sore throat, and the worst part is the swelling lymph nodes, had causes me a very bad migraine which make me feel faintish.

So I went o the doctor again, the doctor was so surprise and asked me, what had actually happen to me these 3 months. Of course I told him that "I do not know".

Just a brief indication of how frequent I went to see the doctor. Before this years(2010) April, the last visit to a doctor because I am ill is in 2007. So you can see that I don;t get sick because of my health is always maintained at an optimum level.

So after all these things (still taking medical leave today), I start to think, if it is not physically, it might be psychologically then. So I look around for Stress related illness or any caused from being stressed. Oh ya! The answer just pop up, and to my surprise, the result was exactly what I am having. Oh My God! So, I am right, this is a mental disturbed issue.

I will quote this from the online encyclopedia "wikipedia":
"Stress is a physical, chemical or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation. Stress can be divided by time of exposure (chronic stress), effects it has upon the person (eustress) or according to the origin of the stress (workplace). Chronic stress is a persistent stress which can lead to illness and mental disorder"

"Chronic stressors have been proven to affect the immune response, making the person under stress prone to medical illness especially viral infections"

The rest of it (if you're interested), you can read it from the link below for the entire full article about Stress and Immune System "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_and_immune_system"
Now, I think I had stressed to much in my work (mentally) which from the outside you might see me smiling but inside of me an always worrying. And a lot of people will say that "I need to know when to shut down". But perhaps the "Shut down" thing does not work on me, perhaps I can't shut down anything, and perhaps the stress for other people is much more minimal to the stress that I am having which affects me mentally to physically.

Is it worth wasting my time and health on what I am doing now? You be the judge!

Selfish!

Everyone needs to work. And everyone wants to work in BIG corporate organization. Not only trying to squeeze into MNCs and even sometimes lower our "ideal" requirements just to get into such companies.

But do you know that, these companies are actually working like "our boleh government" style wiuth the "tak apa-apa" attitude? If your ideal company is everyone is going to do their job effectively, Oh yes,! you are right(selfish), but if you think that there are considerations for others in order to get the job done better? Well, you are mostly wrong. Why? Most of them don't give a damn to whatever you are doing. This is where your frustration starts. Because your things might got stuck in between the departments while waiting the so "called" process and procedures to be completed.

You might think that this has nothing to do with you, well, once again you are wrong.

Big companies have loads and loads of departments, and all these departments are inter related. So if every department only concentrate in their processes, then how are all the processes going to be carried out on time? That's why every time you will hear the word "firefighting". Why firefighting? because all the things can't be completed on time and only until the last minute when shit happens(mostly when the big bosses are making noises), then everyone is rushing for it.

Nowadays in all the MNCs, which of the projects are not being rushed?Is it because of time constraint or improper planning? No! It's down to the discipline of the people working in those companies.

So think again, if you think that working in big organizations are such a beautiful and organized place. Perhaps you should look around you and see how many people are being treated badly in these organizations with loads of frustration and anger.

Tiredness and exhaustion is catching up!

Lately, I am really getting tired fast.
No energy, and can't even bother to do anything.

The source of energy- "my brain" had been over utilized. And the entire flow of energy had been low.

I guess if you were ask me to throw away my job, I wouldn't mind. ha ha ha...

Cos, it is just too tiring. Physically I am OK, but mentally it's something else. It is more than just feeling tired, it's exhausting and the thought of giving up.

To get over this, the best way is to get rid of the past and start new.

I think very soon the answer will come and I will no more feel so tired anymore.

I "beh ta han" already, since when I can regain my freedom again?

The answer: Next Year lor